Life Is Hard!

So, I thought that this whole college thing would make life so much easier and that everything would get better, but it doesnt. First off, I am not sure if I am even going to pass this semester. I feel like I am trying so hard, but continuously fail. I really am trying and that is what is bugging me. I dont know what more I can really do. Another thing is that I feel like I have run away from home. It seems like anytime I talk to someone from Pennsylvania (with the exception of Lisa because she only says positive things and wont talk about anything negative) I am hearing just horrible things that are going on. It seems like everyone is depressed, and things are really changing. I want to go home so badly just because I want everyone to know that I am there to help. Its not like I will be of much help, but I could at least feel like I am doing something rather than being 8 hours away having the time of my life. I love this place. I love the atmosphere and just being able to be myself without being judged. I love having fun in a crazy way and no one really caring what you are doing. I love being able to just have fun without alcohol and everything else. I know that I can catch up on everything here, and I know that I can do what it takes to pass this semester, but I feel like things at home are kind of pulling me away from really focusing here. I just wish life would slow down and everything would calm down.

Redemption Is Sweet!

This morning at church, the pastor talked about redemption and how it doesn't matter what junk we have, God will take it. The big thing that I have been studying since I got at HU is Creation, the Fall, and Redemption. I think its awesome how they all go together, and we can't really put the story together without one of them. I started questioning why God couldn't just say hey, heres a second chance...don't worry about the fall! But then one of my professors explained it to me this way. When we punish a child, we don't just say its okay...here is a second chance! If they do not have a consequence, they will most likely continue to do the same thing over again. This really opened up my eyes! But in a way, we did get our second chance. So we endure the pain and sin of life, but we are offered the most beautiful gift that can be given, redemption! I kind of feel like the whole Creation, Fall, and Redemption is like a summary of the bible! This topic is brought up in almost every single one of my classes except for like 2! I've had to write a paper on it, and its so neat to discuss it in class and hear what their views are on it! We all look at things differently, which is awesome! It is amazing that we have such a loving God who is willing to redeem us even when we don't deserve it! How can you not except that!?

Against My Values?

This past Friday, a group of us drove into Columbia City in hopes of basically everyone of us to get something pierced. If you don't really know me, I am kind of against body piercing. I think getting ears pierced is okay, but the other things are sort of something that I was always against. Was I against it, or was I too afraid of the pain to do it and it was just my excuse? I am starting to wonder because I walked out of that place with my nose pierced. I yelled at my friends before for getting that done because I thought that it was a disgrace to God. I was angry at them and would literally pray that God would forgive them. And, here I am, one of them. I don't even know why I did it. It actually doesn't look that bad, but still! I feel like I have let go of that value. My main reasoning behind this is that I feel like our generation is doing all of this, but what is this going to lead to? My grandparents generation would never think of doing this! And then, my grandparents did things that their grandparents generation would never have thought of doing. My point is this. I feel like each generation is falling farther...doing things to displease God. I am not sure if it displeases God that I got my nose pierced, but if I were to ask myself...did I do this for the glory of God, I would have to say no.

Prayer Matters

In my devotions this morning, it was once again talking about Leah. I was reading about how Jacob loved Rachel more than he did Leah. Honestly, if I was in that situation, I would have just given up and told Rachel and Jacob that they could have the life that they wanted to live by themselves. But thats not what Leah did. She tried so many times to get her husband to love her. She bore him 4 sons, I would think that that would be enough considering Rachel had not given him one child yet! But through everything, Leah went to God in prayer. She prayed that God would give her a son with Jacob so that Jacob may love her more. So many times I find myself doing things just to get the approval of others or to earn their love. Thats not how it should be. Finally, after Leah realized that the love that she wanted from Jacob is one that she would never receive, she was content. Sounds a bit odd if you ask me. Not really, though! She found so much content and joy in the love of God that she had forgotten about the love that she wanted from her husband. God had taken all of her hurts and brought her closer to Him. Her communication with God is what held this together. She trusted in Him in almost every step of the way. If we pray and wait...we will see what God really is going to do in our lives and what He really wants from us. Its not always what we want (like Leah, the love of Jacob), but always what He wants (having Leah be satisfied because of His love for her).

Exams..Already?

Well, this week has been the first week of exams, and I am not liking it at all. I have had one already and 2 tomorrow. I didn't do the greatest on my first one, but thats okay! At least I didn't fail it! Tomorrow's exams I am not too worried about. They are classes that I find to be easier and I understand them more. I am absolutely loving it here. I have been struggling with adjusting to the environment but its getting better. At times its overwhelming because everything that you are around is christian, and it doesn't really feel like its a relationship on a personal level. I love going to chapel, but sometimes I feel as if I am not getting much out of it because it is so much. There are 4 chapels a week, and I have decided that I am only going to 3 of them. The Friday chapels aren't really that amazing anyways. It is like a prayer service, but it reminds me of something you hear about Catholic services or something. Staying up late has gone to the next level. I stayed up until 5 am Sunday morning and had to be up by 8:30 to get ready for church. Then, last night, I started writing a paper at about 1 am, so I didn't get to bed until about 2. I guess its okay when I can take naps and everything. I am still not motivated in doing my homework, but I am doing better at it. My goal for now is to take my relationship with God back to a place where it feels personal, rather than me feeling as if I am in one huge cluster of a relationship.

What Am I Doing??

So its about 4 am, and I am still awake. My friend Casey and I have had the wonderful idea of staying up all night. I still have some homework that I could be doing, but I attempted to read a bit earlier and my eyes were so blurry because I am exhausted! I might as well not go to sleep because I have to be in class in less than 4 hours from now. So, my first all nighter at HU! Pretty exciting if you ask me...NOT! Okay, now to the real meaning behind posting a blog at 4 am. This week, I have not wanted to do my homework or anything. I have just wanted to be lazy. So, on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, I chose not to do my homework and I winged it in class. Then, a lot of people were concerned with me not doing my work, and they really pushed me to not only do my homework for tonight, but also the homework that I didn't do from the other nights this week. Its amazing the accountability that is evident here. Its not only from your peers, but from your proffessors as well! It is so amazing. I even see myself holding others accountable. For example, Casey is still working on homework. Okay, so right now I'm more of a hinderance because I want to go outside and play so that I can stay awake whereas she has a ton of more homework to do! But, we are staying up together and its amazing how it works out. But I am wondering, what the heck am I doing up at 4 am!?

I Give My Life

So, its been a while since I have blogged! Classes have been going great and I absolutely love it here. I have realized a lot of things about me since I have gotten here. One thing that I have realized that I have not been giving my all to God. There is a part of this one song that has been continuously played on our floor that goes "I give my life to follow, everything I believe in". My question for myself has been "have I been giving my all to Jesus?" I realized from being here that it is so easy to get caught up in everything. You are expected to go to chapels and most of your classes are focused upon the christian faith. Its like you get caught up in it all and you don't really focus on what your personal relationship is like. I've tried to focus on where I am lately and just really what I am doing. At times I wonder what I am doing here and why I am here. But, I know that this is all of God's plan for me. One of the questions that was in my journal for physical wellness was what is God's purpose for your life? Her purpose in asking this wasn't to make sure we knew, but for us to examine ourselves and to see where we are and to think about what God really wants from us. Anyways, I absolutely love it here, and don't miss home all that much. I love the environment and the friends that I have made. One thing though is that some of my friends are already talking about transferring! That kind of stinks because then they won't be here next semester and I will be.