Interesting Sleep

I was so excited when I got home last night, but I was extremely tired. I spent sometime with my family, and realized that I probably should just go to my room and try to sleep. Of course, I was exhausted, but couldn't fall asleep. It was finally about 2 am when I decided to try and climb into my bed and at least attempt to sleep. I hate the dark, and for some reason, could not wait for the sun to wake up so that I could sleep during the day. I laid down, and was still wide awake, even though I was tired. I didn't think that it was such a big deal because I knew that I could sleep all day today. Finally, I was starting to try different ways for me to fall asleep. My first attempt was to sing myself to sleep, but that didn't work. Then, I decided that I was going to pray myself to sleep. I didn't really care if I repeated myself, because I think God understood how much I really wanted to just sleep. The last thing that I remember is praying for my brain to stop thinking too much hehe. The weird thing is, the first dream that I remember having was not a good one. I wouldn't call it a nightmare exactly, but it woke me up. I finally fell back asleep with no problems and had a crazy dream about being able to drive back to school as fast as I wanted and with no traffic. For many of you that know me, I have an issue with speed limits. And when I was coming home yesterday, I sat in traffic which is one of my worst driving pet peeves. Well, 3 days of relaxation ahead!

Renewal

So, I know that this break is only like 4 days long, but I really sense that it is going to be a time of relaxation and renewal. I just finished up the last of my homework for tomorrow, and I am getting ready for bed so that I can be awake while driving tomorrow. The biggest paper of the semester that I had is finished, and will be off my hands as of noon tomorrow. Today I got to hang out with more of the old people. The first client that I had was mentally challenged, and I just loved her spirit. She was so excited that I came to hang out with her...even though I was not really wanting to be there. It was 7 am, and me being awake at 630 am to get ready to go is not my idea of fun. Nonetheless, I am really happy that I went. I also had to go from 1-3 today and that was even more fun. It is awesome when I see the same people every week. Its kind of like you build a relationship with them and they are more open to talking with you. Sometimes, I am the only interaction that they really get during the day, so when they get that chance, they let loose! This was our last week at the senior center, and I am kind of disappointed. I think that I am going to continue going next semester, and probably until I can't anymore. My supervisor is probably the best that anyone could have. She is so willing to connect and have a relationship with you besides just at the senior center. Even if I am not a social work major anymore, I am glad that I got to take the class where I had this amazing experience!

Hold On to Me

Late last night one of my friends from home finally decided to call me to tell me that one of our friends had passed away early in the evening. Not just a friend, but a brother. A friend from middle school who just carried on into high school being your good friend! I thought that I would be okay after the initial shock and tears, but that isn't being proven so far. All I have wanted to do is sleep and when I would wake up, I would force myself back to sleep. I do have homework that I need to get done so I am staying awake now. On my way home from church today, I started to cry again. I decided to turn on the radio even though I didn't want to hear anything. Stellar Kart's "Hold on to Me" was playing. I thought that that was perfect timing. You see, last night, I went to Justin's myspace and was discouraged by reading his religious status which was agnostic. I think that that made me cry even more. Theres a part of the song that says "When your hope is running dry, and your dreams may seem to high, hold onto me." The beginning of that phrase really released a burden on my heart. I felt as if my hope was running dry. There are so many people in my life, including my family members, who do not have a relationship with Christ, and thats killing me now more than ever. I can't stand the thought of losing one of them and not being sure of their eternal destiny. But when our hope is running out, Christ tells us to hold on to Him and He will never let go.

Inner Peace

While I was extremely board this morning at about 2 am and could not fall asleep, I opened one of the many books that I have brought to school with me. The book that I opened is basically about different topics and how they relate to us. The one that I thought that I really wanted/needed to read the most was on peace. These past couple weeks have been very stressful and I have found myself struggling to find a sense of peace. The personal meaning of the term is a sense of inner ease and calm. The biblical meaning was a state of blessed harmony resulting from a spiritual completeness. I absolutely love the biblical definition behind it. Sometimes we think that our own peace can come from ourselves, but that is not true. True peace that is a peace that we enjoy to experience is a result of our relationship with Christ. Christ is complete in us! I began to think that this peace can be more than just at times when I am not stressed. This kind of peace is so important for us to cling to even when we are extremely stressed out. Our peace in Him and completeness through Him should be a never ending thing. It should not just be on special occasions or when we feel like we can receive His peace. His peace is always there waiting for us. It is our choice of whether we want to live it out or not.

Stolen Heart

It has been a couple of weeks since I have started working in the 2 year old Sunday School Class, and I love every minute of it. Well, most of it. The first day that I was there, the first little girl I met was Delaney. I think that it was both Delaney and my first day there, so we really clung to one another. Delaney, of course, is 2, but extremely intelligent. Heck, I am 18 and I can't even say hippopotamus as well as she does! Every Sunday the first thing she does is run to me and give me a hug. I have seen so much growth in her already! She has come out of her shell faster than I probably ever will. She is so enthusiastic about everything that she does. It caused me to think about myself. Do I take advantage of every opportunity that I am given in life, or am I just sitting back and just trying to get by? We only have one life, and I don't want to be like really old and look back and say oh I wish I would have done that! Delaney, if she maintains the same enthusiastic approach, will be able to look back and say that she did everything and loved every minute of it! Now, the other 19 kids that are in that class...I would not say this about. Delaney I sometimes wish that I could just take her home with me...because then there would never be a dull moment in my life. Oh, what a 2 year old can teach someone! Her enthusiasm and personality has definetely stolen my heart!

But I Want To Know Now!!

How many times do we find ourselves in the situation where we are wanting to know something at that moment or we want something right then and there? I have found myself in this situation in the past two days. The past two days have been hard for me due to being sick. I have yet another infection. Thursday, I missed some important stuff because I was not feeling well at all. I showed up to class late...thats nothing new however...and made it through the class. The proffessor obviously wanted to know why I was late, and I broke down. Since then, she has been sending me encouraging emails. The one that I received from her today really opened my eyes. The part of it that impacted me the most was "in 2 years or heck, 2 decades, you may find out what God is trying to show you through this. Or, you may find out in heaven who knows." Why do we always think that it should be on our time, when in reality, its all about God. These things that we go through in life...they aren't there because God wants to make our live hell...but because He is going to use it in some way. That sounds so preachy, but its so true. Once you are in a situation, you cannot really see it, but once you are a couple years down the road and looking back...you see how that situation has shaped you and helped you to grow. Thats another thing...is whatever happens to you going to effect you negatively or positively? I've been thinking about this in my own life. Have my life events changed me for the better? Maybe its time for some reflection and growth?

Pressing Forward!

This past month, I had focused on self control. Sometimes there are little things in our lives that we really do not have much self control over. My main objective was to have self control over my behavior. I started to think about applying this to my every life. One thing I really focused on was food. As you all probably know, I love cake and cookies. I have been trying to limit this to maybe one cookie a day, or one piece of cake a week. This went really well, until I got a box of cookies in the mail from a woman from my church at home. This month, after talking to someone this morning, I have decided that being in a standstill in my faith is boring. Stepping forward sounds like so much more fun! The great thing about this is that at a Christian College, there is so much that you can do to initiate this growth. It is also hard to move forward here because you get into a comfort zone and feel like you are doing okay. In reality, you are just trying to measure up to everyone around you and you are not growing personally. So, I have decided that this month is going to be completely dedicated to me pressing forward, and not backwards. A disclaimer, this is not something I give up once the month ends...I continue to pursue it but try to focus on other things as well!