Love, Love, Love!!

Okay, here is part 2 of the annoying yet meaninful song. I hate talking about love, so this is a real challenge for me, and probably why I didn't post this right away. Today, I was even thinking to myself, do I really know what true love is, or am I just using the phrase "I love you" too loosely? So, I started making a list of what love is. But, where to start? Is God not the ultimate example of love? I think when even trying to figure out what love is, God is the perfect example that we need to consider. Okay, off of my tangent and onto the song. There is a line in the song that says "You can't love, if you don't love yourself." Part of me started wondering about this line too whether there is truth behind it. So, of course, I started thinking about it. Can we not love someone else if we understand God's love and what love really is? But, then, how do we understand God's love if we don't love ourselves? If we do not love ourselves, we are basically telling ourselves that we are not worthy of the love that God gives us. I love how I am saying this, because I am probably a prime example of someone not really loving themself, and expecting to understand God's love. Here a steps that I made in order to start showing a life of love. Step number one is seek God's love and grasp the characteristics of His love. Step two is begin to love yourself as God loves you. Step three is to begin to love others the way that God loves you and them, and also the way that you should be loving yourself!

Sunshine in the Rain

A girl on my floor has been listening to Natalie Grant's song "In Better Hands Now." My first instinct was to tell her to turn it off because it was getting really annoying. But, isn't that how we work? We don't stop to take time to ponder on why the person may be doing something, such as listening to a song over and over. I luckily have some of a heart and could not possibly tell her to just shut up. I started listening to the song over and over with her, this time paying attention to the words. Its an amazing song! There is a part of the song where it says "its like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down." Oh, but do we really notice that the sun is shining when it seems as if its raining? Do we see that God's glory and promises are still there even if there are even a few clouds in our lives? I don't think that its that God isn't shining in those bad times, it just that we do not allow His beautiful light to shine into our lives. He can take away any clouds or hard storms that come into our lives. So, why are we hiding under umbrellas and not allowing the Son to shine into us? The light that God offers is so much better than an umbrella (umbrella can be compared to any sort of method to take emotional pain away for a short time ie. drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships). We need to let the light of God shine into our lives, even when the hardest storms come our way. The next post will be another line from the song dealing with love :).

Bad Day? Rely on Christ!

Psalm 86:7 says "In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me." Bad days really suck. Sometimes, its really hard to not get depressed and want to curl up inside yourself and hide. I know that there were a couple of days like that this past week. They weren't necessarily horrible, but there were just some days where I questioned what the heck I was doing with myself. I decided to try a new plan. Instead of just hiding away until those feelings went away, I decided to go through all of the Psalms and look for areas where the writer talked about God making bad days better basically. I found quite a few, and dang, they really work! It was awesome to see how instead of waiting around for the feelings to go away, God took away those feelings just with His word. Not only did this teach me that God can make bad days better, but His word can do so much more. Think about it this way. Whenever you have a problem, a good day, or anything that is going on, search through the bible and find areas that are specifically about that certain area. I think if we would rely so much more on God's word to help us manage our lives, we would be better off. Why rely on friends when God is right there for you as well? Why not turn to God more instead of thinking that we can handle things on our own? God's word is more powerful than we may think.

True Maturity

This past week, I have learned what it means to have a heart after God. I had some issues with my roomate, ones that even I felt awkward around. At first, I handled it completely horribly. I went around telling everyone what had happened. I am not sure what my reasoning for going around and telling everyone was, but I know that it couldn't have been anything good for her. My roomate, isn't bad. I admire her for her relationship with God. She is one of the few girls on my floor that has a personaly, daily quiet time with God. She is committed to her relationship with Christ. She may not be my best friend, but she has never really done anything intentionally to hurt me. But I, being the inconsiderate, immature person that I am, went and hurt her. And the sad thing is, she doesn't even know that I told anyone. I am not even sure if she even knows that I know! Anyways, I finally realized after telling like the twentieth person that this was hurting her more than anything. My focus shouldn't have been on how can I embaress her, but more of how can I help her and be a friend to her. I feel horrible for what I did. Everytime someone brings it up now, all I can do is apologize and ask them not to talk about it. I still haven't talked to my roomate, and this is something that I really need to do. I believe that this is going to be the most awkward connversation that I have ever had. But, am I hurting her more by not talking to her? Why should I stay in my comfort zone when she is struggling with something? Thats a little selfish of me, is it not?

Stretching, A Little Too Much?

This first week of J-Term went extremely fast. I have already taken 4 quizzes, and completed one presentation. All in one week! I am getting used to having to sit still in a class for an entire two hours. One thing that I still am struggling with a bit is the whole friend issue. Of course, I have friends, great friends, but none that are close. Most of my close friends are on trips or not doing J-term (or transferred). I am thoroughly convinced that there is some master minded plan behind this. Of course, this is planned by God. I am not sure what He is trying to show me, or what He is trying to get me to understand. Last night there was a student led chapel. I decided to go since I love chapel and I didn't have anything else to do. It was the hardest chapel that I have ever been to. Not only was it the hardest chapel, but it was harder than any church service that I ever sat through! I don't think that I had ever felt so guilty in my entire life. After I got back from chapel and thought about it for a while, I really misinterpreted what the guy was saying. He said that we need to make sure that we are in right relationship with our friends and those whom we may have hurt. I interpreted it as if we aren't in right relationship with EVERYONE, then we cannot be in right relationship with God. I love how my mind makes small things into huge ordeals. After much thinking, relief came and I was finally able to realize the truth. I am okay with a little bit of spiritual stretching, but a lot? We will have to see!

Can It Really Be This Difficult?

I don't think that I have cried this much in a long time. Every night since I have gotten back, I have cried. Its not because I am homesick, which was my first thought behind the cause of the tears. Its because I miss Donna so much. The thought of how different things were going to be without her here never crossed my mind...or at least I probably just tried to ignore it. Its not just tearing up, I mean, sometimes its just that, but last night I was crying hardcore. I know that I have other friends...a lot of other friends, but its not the same. I messed up horribly last semester by clinging to one person and not really spreading myself out. I thought that I had made friends with everyone, and I did. But the problem was that I relied so much on Donna. She was always there, and we were pretty much together all of the time. My friend Casey pointed something out to me last night, and my friend Lisa pointed this out a couple of days ago. I was angry at God because I felt like He brought Donna to HU and then told her this wasn't where she was supposed to be. Oh, and of course, I blamed Him for me getting so close to her (I believe that that was my choice, not really His). Both Lisa and Casey pointed out that maybe this is God's way of showing me that I need to lean on Him. He has given me friends, but He wants to be that close friend that Donna was (is). Of course, I ignored that and said no this is His fault. But then, finally, out of desparation, I finally caved. I keep thinking what is going to take away this void, this pain!? Only one answer, God.

Ask Big

Yesterday, before I left for Indiana, I went to church at home. I love my home church...its pretty much the most amazing place for me. My pastor made a really good point, one that I have been thinking on for the past 2 days. We have a big God, so why not ask big? I used to think that I was being selfish when I would ask God for stuff. Okay, so maybe material things...thats a bit much, but He doesn't mind us asking. He tells us to ask Him. As I was driving yesterday, a few things came to my mind that I have bee complaining and worrying about, but yet, I never really asked God. This is sad, but my reasoning behind not asking Him was that I wanted to have complete control over these issues. One of the things that came to my mind was the plan for my life. I worry a lot about this, as many of you know. I hate not knowing what is going to happen! So, why not put it into God's hands and keep bugging Him about it? Because I am stubborn and have a control issue. Solution? Give it to God! Another thing that I worry about is my future husband. I am getting frustrated because more than most of my friends are engaged. What the heck is wrong with them!? We are only 18 years old! Sigh, not the point! My point is that this is another situation that I have to have control over...why? Same reason, I am stubborn and have a control issue. Solution is the same as well. We have a big God, so why not ask big?

Finally Going Back

The day has finally (well pretty much finally) come. Tomorrow I finally get to go back to school! Not that it hasn't been nice not having to do school work or anything, but I love school so much more than I do being at home. I have even began to call school home. Its so weird! I keep telling myself that I am not coming back here, but I know I will. I would do so much better if I wouldn't come home, but of course I would be silly enough to ignore that and come back anyways. I am a little worried about January Term. Donna is no longer at HU, which is what really is concerning me. Most of my friends went off campus for J-Term, so I feel like I am going to have to start over in making friends which I really don't want to do. But, I guess thats okay. The more friends the better right? I was thinking about staying in Pa for January Term, but then realized that I don't even really like it here so what good would that do? All I have to worry about is what I am going to do this summer as far as not coming home. Its not that I don't want to come home, its that I am happier when I am else where. When I am home for like a long weekend or something its okay, but when it comes to long breaks like this, I have noticed that it is a lot worse. Plus, I'm afraid if I come home then the doctor may try and do more procedures which I am not okay with! Alas, tomorrow...the day that I have been waiting for!

Hardened Hearts Into Beautiful Praises

Hardened hearts into beautiful praises. Sometimes I wonder if this short statement could summarize me. I never thought that I would ever be on the other side of it either. The one standing on the outside looking in, not knowing what is going on inside of someone else. I have found myself being the one judging others and the way that they are acting. I question why they are doing something, and why they just don't turn to God. I have also found myself saying that there is no hope for certain people. What if someone would have said that about me 4 years ago? In the past 2 weeks, I have come across 3 different people who at first, I thought that there was no hope for them. Even though their hearts are still hardened, that doesn't mean that things can't and won't change for them. Just because their hearts didn't change the first time that we talked doesn't mean that their hearts won't change eventually. How can we judge someone when we don't know the reasoning behind their actions? For every action their is a motive. For every motive, their is an underlying reason. If we are the ones looking in and judging, are our hearts not hardened as well? They may not be hardened towards God, but they are hardened towards the other person's pain, their past, and towards their hearts as well. The lifestyle that someone else may have may be caused from a past experience, or a feeling of lack of value within themselves. So, who are we to stand on the outside and look in, and think that there is no hope for someone? In Christ, there is always hope.