Rationalizing With The Unrational

I thought about this saying a lot today. I have finally been introduced to middle school drama at the College level. It makes me laugh because of how ridiculous it is. For one, I cannot stand watching people hurt others and them get away with it. It is something that just drives me crazy. And now, I am one of those that ended up getting hurt. I have had no problems as far as drama goes this entire time at Huntington, and now it starts. It was hard not to just go off and express how I truly felt about things. I tried talking it out with this person, and they continuously kept blaming everything on me. Don't get me wrong, after she explained some things I understood that there were areas in which I did wrong, but not all that she was saying. And of course, she had done nothing. It hurt so badly to know that there was nothing that I could do or say that would really change her mind. Not only this, but she has gone behind my back to others and told them how the entire problem has been me. She is wanting attention more than what any of us can give her. It is as if she lives in a constant pity party that somehow makes her happy. This semester, a goal of mine has been to work on my optimism and my frame of mind as far as that whole issue goes. This has definetely been a test, and I am not one hundred percent sure if I have passed this. I know that there were times that I got down and upset today, but the reactions could have been a lot worse? So, after reading this, I hope that all of you pray for this situation and for both of us to be more positive and mature about this.

How Badly Do You Want It?

Early this morning, I came to the realization that there are somethings in my life that I have not given up completely. I may say that it is something that I want to get over and leave in the past, but am I really fully committed to doing so? I myself didn't really see this, but a friend of mine did. I as lying to myself basically. Convincing myself that the things that were still tempting me were non existance. I was ignoring the things that were bringing me down because I didn't want to think that they still had a stronghold on me. Meanwhile, while I was ignorning it and hurting myself, I was hurting others as well. One thing that I definetely learned during this was that our actions, even if we don't think this as true, hurt others that are close to us. I love how we discover things, and then something that is talked about later on in chapel or in church has a lot to do with what you just discovered. That happened today! During chapel, we were talking about how Christ did so much for us, He surrendered His life, so now it is time for us to surrender our lives. I am determined to surrender my life more than what I have been. I know, that kind of doesn't make sense. Let me explain. I am going to give it more than the 30-40 percent that I have been giving it. Instead, why not give it 100 percent or possibly even more? I don't want to be stuck in the past, I want to move forward and be set free more than I could ever imagine.

Jesus and Lyrics

To some, this post may make you laugh. Tonight, a group of us went to the Jason Mraz concert at Purdue. I love Jason Mraz, well, I love his music. But after listening to some of his lyrics, I began to realize exactly what some of his songs were saying. Lets just say that there were a lot of sexual innuendos. On the way home, we were listening to music that was going to help us stay awake since the majority of us were running on very few hours of sleep. A lot of the songs were very upbeat as far as the music went. Now, for the the lyrics, they weren't so upbeat. After listening to a couple of the songs, I began to realize how many of the songs that I thought were really great and I loved to listen to were degrading to women and to ourselves in general. Not only are they degrading to us, but they are degrading to Christ. I kept thinking about what God would have to say about what we were listening to. The reason as to why I said that some may laugh about this post is because I usually do not get offended by things such as this. It wasn't that I was offended, but I truly was shocked. I am not sure if I have just sheltered myself so much lately that hearing things like this threw me off, or if I just never really payed any attention to the songs before and for the first time they were showing. This has me wondering, are we pleasing God in everything we do if we are listening to music like that? So what if we think the music is great just not the lyrics. Are we not filling our minds with the lyrics by listening to it anyways?

Life Has Made A Sharp Turn

Ha, I so did not know what to title this. This is one of those post where I never really say what is going on, but speak metaphorically about it the entire time. Life, sometimes doesn't go the way that we originally planned for it to go. We make decisions that are going to effect the rest of our lives at times, sometimes good decisions and sometimes bad. These decisions can also direct which turn our lives are going to make. I most definetely am having this experience right now. Because of a decision, my life is making not just a turn, but a sharp turn. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, unless you know me and my strong dislike for change haha! I am really anxious to see what happens from this. I know that everything is going to work out for the good in the end...but its nerve wrecking getting to that point. I guess I will just have to wait and see. Saturday, I got to go to Chicago for the first time, and loved it. Actually, any city I am in I usually love so thats not really saying a lot. And tomorrow, well I guess its today now, we are going to see Jason Mraz in concert. He pretty much equals hottness in my book! And this coming weekend, I am going home, and am extremely nervous about this. I am not to sure how things are going to go, but, at least its only for 2 days!

Stressed From Being Stressed

So, Tuesday night, I was up until 4 am, mostly worrying about all of the things that I had to do. So basically, I was stressed because I was already stressed. Crazy, huh? Anyways, I finally just let myself cry over it so I could release some sort of tension, then found a notecard in my room that came just at the right time. I absolutely love how God shows you things just when you need it...coincidence, I think not! Anyways, I came upon a notecard that I had written a while back that says "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27. Perfect timing I must say. You see, I was convincing myself that I would never be able to be a ministry major. That it is just something that is not for me and that I was going to completely fail. I really honestly believed this. I had an exam today that on Tuesday, I had yet to even consider studying for. I had so much other stuff to do as well that I just could not motivate myself to do. I was/am not sleeping enough. I get so tired, but can't sleep because I am so worried about all of the stuff that I have to do. But Jesus is telling us so much more. No matter how tired we are, no matter how stressed we are, this isn't impossible. God did not create us to be people who quit when we decide that we ourselves can't do it. Thats why He created us to rely on Him, because through Him, impossible things become possible.

We Are A New Creation

So, I really thought that I really understood what forgiveness was about, and that I was able to accept the forgiveness that is given through Christ. Well, apparently, I still have some set backs to this. I let other people judge me way too easily. Not that I let them judge me, but its that I allow their judgement to control how I feel about myself. And of course, how I feel about myself is connected to my relationship with Christ. If you don't know me, I allow my feelings to control me at times. Anyways, I love the school that I go to, and I love the Christian environment that I have there. But at times, I feel very different. I feel like my past sometimes just turns others off. I never even realized that others could determine some of my past by just the way that I acted. This is something that I most definetely want to change. Another thing that I want to change is how I allow others to control how I feel. I know that I am forgiven. I dont need other people to tell me whether I am really forgiven or not. Paul said in 1 Corinthians that if anyone was in Christ, He was a new creation. My favorite part of that verse is where it says that the OLD is GONE and the NEW has COME! Exciting stuff to me! So, why is it so hard to allow the thoughts of others to control me? I can be myself without others thoughts of me effecting me. Most definetely something that I need to work on, though!

Teach Me and Guide Me

Wow, lately, a huge struggle for me has been the loss of a friend. Oh, she is still here at Huntington, but we have drifted so far a part that nothing we do can bring us even close to what we were before. You see, last semester, her and I were pretty close. I got close with a few people, but her and I, we were extremely close. We played volleyball together and pretty much did anything and everything together (mostly at 4 am haha). Anyways, this semester, we both have gone different ways. At first, it seemed as if she had gone a different way, and I was standing here alone. Why should I think of it in such a depressing way? I came upon this verse a couple of days ago that was really an answer to what I was asking God. First, let me tell you what I was asking God. I was asking Him to show me what I was supposed to do with this. I wanted to know what He wanted me to get out of this. Psalm 86:11 says this: "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." I was so focused on my relationship with my friend and using her as a crutch that I was not listening to what God wanted. I was not giving Him all of my heart. I thought that I was, but I was so far from it. I held my relationships on earth far more higher than my relationship with Him. Psalm 86:11 is a new prayer, one that we should be begging of God. It is a plea for Him to dwell in our lives and become more in His presence.