Can It Really Be This Difficult?

I don't think that I have cried this much in a long time. Every night since I have gotten back, I have cried. Its not because I am homesick, which was my first thought behind the cause of the tears. Its because I miss Donna so much. The thought of how different things were going to be without her here never crossed my mind...or at least I probably just tried to ignore it. Its not just tearing up, I mean, sometimes its just that, but last night I was crying hardcore. I know that I have other friends...a lot of other friends, but its not the same. I messed up horribly last semester by clinging to one person and not really spreading myself out. I thought that I had made friends with everyone, and I did. But the problem was that I relied so much on Donna. She was always there, and we were pretty much together all of the time. My friend Casey pointed something out to me last night, and my friend Lisa pointed this out a couple of days ago. I was angry at God because I felt like He brought Donna to HU and then told her this wasn't where she was supposed to be. Oh, and of course, I blamed Him for me getting so close to her (I believe that that was my choice, not really His). Both Lisa and Casey pointed out that maybe this is God's way of showing me that I need to lean on Him. He has given me friends, but He wants to be that close friend that Donna was (is). Of course, I ignored that and said no this is His fault. But then, finally, out of desparation, I finally caved. I keep thinking what is going to take away this void, this pain!? Only one answer, God.