Fear And Worry In Over-drive!

As of right now, I must admit that this week so far has been a challenging one. I have awaken pretty much every morning with feelings of not wanting to leave my room and not wanting to socialize. I have been crying a lot, and just feeling, well...depressed. Of course, I had to analyze this. What the heck is going on in my life that I feel like this? I came to several conclusions. The big reason (so I think) behind all of this is my fear and worry about this whole bladder and kidney thing. I am worried that this new medicine is not going to work as well as we hoped and I am going to either have to get surgery or the treatments. Both of these scare me. I remember how I felt after the last surgery, and I don't want that to happen again. The treatments do not sound any better. Sitting an hour a week at the hospital with tubes pumping in chemicals...I hate the sound of it. How can I be so sure that once I get these treatments that I won't have to continue them in the future? I surely thought that that was the only surgery that I was going to have to get...but look where I am now! The possibility of surgery again...I hate it! Its not even a big deal of a surgery! But, the pain is all the same to me. Second thing that came to my mind was just other fears I have about other stuff going on with me personally as well as friends. My thinking is that it can only get better from here? Or so, I hope!